separation: a 5 point plan
It can take up to six years to seek help when relationships turn sour, but before severing the knot for good, consider these questions, and remember- it’s the end of your relationship, not the end of your life:
- Have we tried couple counseling?
Couple counseling can provide neutral territory to help couples work through tough issues from an expert and neutral other. You may still end up separated or divorced but couple counselling can help you process and clarify the reasons why you need to separate or end the marriage and you’ll know you gave it your all before calling it quits.
- What’s going to happen with the kids?
Your children will be effected by your divorce. But giving some thought as to when you tell your children, how you tell your children and making a strong and determined effort not to create a sense of divided loyalties will make the breakup and further transitions much easier for them.
- Do I have too great a set of expectations for my spouse?
If you’ve relied solely on your marriage as a source of happiness and fulfillment in your life, you’ve probably set yourself up for great diffuculties. Many folk get caught up in the idea that there is “perfect someone” out there for them, and it’s likely that this fantasy will lead to misery. Having a more realistic idea of what a couple relationship is about will help you both create and sustain real love that helps you both when things get tough. Which they will.
- Do I have a network of emotional support?
Make sure you have a strong, tight-knit support system in place to help you get through the early weeks and months post-split. Find not just one person but a group of three who you can spread the heartache with, but who will keep what you say confidential and not be judgmental, but might get a bit “tough love” with you.
- Getting an independence plan
Make a plan to be both emotionally and financially independent from your ex; you did not decide to breakup to still have the couple umbilical cord tied around you; this is especially true if your partner broke up the relationship, you might think that hitting them financially is payback, buts it’s also disempowering you, too by keeping you tied to them.
