How (and why) you hid yourself

Realistically, our parents could not be with us from birth constantly and unconditionally; we are all born into worlds where, from the moment of our birth, conditions are placed upon us, we are either told or are given parental restrictions, or are conditioned by parental absence so as to make our needs as tiny infants and as children unmet.

In the young child this can create distress or rage, so preoccupied is the child with their own needs. Our parents frustrate us- they have to, they can’t be there for us 24 hours nonstop and in this frustration we develop strategies to live by and defences to protect ourselves, but our immature minds can’t balance this out, we feel that our parents’ love is conditional, and we adapt ourselves to meet this new (conditional) world.

We begin to learn that there are parts of us that we should not, ought not, must not or cannot express and have, so we suppress, deny, disown or repress them; tuck them out of sight-even from ourselves. Especially from ourselves.

We hide ourselves and become governed often by a set of “shoulds, oughts and musts” that, although deeply internalised are largely external to us.

Deep down in our unconscious a hidden self exists as unseen forces that actually drive us, that “run the show” called us.

It is our task to become more aware of these unseen forces and begin to live more conscious lives.

If you were hurt as a child you might become tough, suppressing your tenderness, yet deep down longing for love and nurturance, and at long last finding it in the arms of a lover, a partner, who completes you. You feel-temporarily-healed. But it does not last, because the real healing is in recognising that in your romantic partner lies the disowned parts of you (that’s why you picked them), and your healing task is now to explore, to tend and befriend, that part of you; to literally come out of hiding.

Understanding this, and that the same dynamic exists in your partner makes your intimate partner your best friend in this process, the person who can connect with you with deep compassion and care, knowing that this healing journey is mutual.

I’m here to help: make today a new beginning and call me on 07885 640 490 at the number above.