the hidden promise

Our upbringing forges within us structures and patterns from all our influences. We then carry this pattern as a drive and a promise, often hidden deep inside, a set of unseen forces which subtly directs us towards selecting the type or partner we chose and the way we relate to our partner.

This pattern, a fusion of all the frustrations, disappointments, rejections and abandonments, as well as the joys and care, love and nurturance, the negative and positive traits of our parents or early caretakers brews for years in our unconscious mind as the hidden template of our ideal partner.

It also includes our hidden self, the part of us we have put to one side, suppressed, buried, denied or repressed but still there, longing to express itself; this is you, yearning to be whole.

So we seek out our ideal partner who represents or appears to carry and express all those aspects of our primary patterning, we seek out our partner because in their positive traits we will find healing and in their negative traits (which we are unconsciously so familiar with) we will also heal. We didn’t get what we needed from our primary caregivers so we seek it out in our mates. Our unconscious, not knowing about time, seizes the past in the present and we become often instantly attracted to the person who will become our partner.

And the same is happening in our partner.

It feels great for a while; we’re alive, complete, spring is in our stride and we’re full of love and lust.

And then it all goes wrong; we begin to see all the negative traits of our partners and we can’t live with it, sometimes the distress and frustration that we feel gets so bad we turn against our partner or run into the arms (or bed) of another. The relationship now feels ripped apart, trust is gone and one partner feels devastated. What went wrong?

Actually, nothing was going wrong. At that point when you began to see some of the negative “faults” of your partner things were going right, your relationship was, at last becoming real.

You were originally attached by what we often call “positive illusions” that is, for both partners significant aspects of their personality, their selfhood, were hidden in order to connect together. Now the mask(s) drop and the real couple, and the real healing can begin.

The promise of your relationship, the hidden promise in your relationship, is for this healing to take place, the healing of your childhood wounds and frustrations, meeting yourself in the guise of the other and reclaiming your hidden self.

I’m here to help: make today a new beginning and call me on 07885 640 490 at the number above.