the 7 C’s

Here are 7 examples (see if you can think of more)

• Commitment: this relationship is grounded in a shared vision of the future, and both of us are willing to invest time and effort in the relationship

• Connection and creativity: pursuing activities and spending time together to create more “glue” in the relationship. These are ways that we actually show our commitment to each other and they can be as simple as a post-it note left on a side table to a big romantic gesture or a deep feeling of spiritual connection. Creativity is a sense of “play” in the relationship, creating a sense of fun and laughter

• Communication: a fundamental skill that all couple relationships need in order to survive and flourish. Inbuilt into this is active and mindful listening to each others thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

• Care and compassion: partners who show love for each other, who communicate this love, who stop to empathise with each others distress or difficulties, who are slow to judge but pause and step away from labelling and criticism. Partners who also allow themselves self compassion and bring tactile qualities of physical touch and holding into the relationship. An ability to be mindful in the relationship, and when that sense of mindfulness is lost to recall, remember and reconnect to mindfulness and compassion in the relationship

• Capacity: allowing for the capacity for individual and interpersonal growth and change, letting each other make personal choices, seeing the relationship as big enough to create and sustain a sense of containment for issues or problems that might arise, having the personal capacity of integrity, trustworthiness, honesty, a robust sense of mental health

• Compromise: the ability to explore the couple fit between you and renegotiate where necessary what goals you might individually or both have, which might be implicit or explicitly communicated in the relationship

• Conflict resolution: it would be unrealistic for you to expect to have no differences or argue, but effective conflict resolution performed with compassion, connection and good communication without becoming entrenched in polarised attitudes or abusive behaviour, turning towards the other when there is every excuse to turn against or away to help resolve the conflict is key

• What are the high C’s of the your relationship-what are the most important C’s to explore

• What are the low C’s of your relationship? What makes them work well?