revenge porn: what’s it really about?
Revenge porn is when someone else, it could be an ex-partner, ex-friend or total stranger-shares explicit images or videos of you without your consent. This can be done on the internet, by mobile phone or by passing on printed photographs. Your images and/or video material may also be uploaded to websites without your knowledge by a total stranger. This could happen if your phone, tablet, cloud or computer has been hacked or your photo library stolen.
It can also be done via sexting, which can originally feel sexy, erotic and energising in a relationship, yet devastating when you discover the sheer proliferation of non-consensual sharing.
Revenge porn is often done to hit back-to get revenge-at a person when a relationship has broken down, though it might also be done from sheer malice. The aim is often to cause distress, hurt, shame or harm. Victims say that it can cause them to feel depressed, anxious, or panicky and can profoundly lower self-worth. Revenge porn is a practice that is, unfortunately, on the rise and has seen a rapid growth in recent years
It can feel difficult to report to the police but since February 2015 it is a criminal offence. If you decide to report the crime to the police, try to keep evidence of the incident by retaining records and/or screenshots of any posts or messages.
It’s not actually about revenge, or about porn. It’s about consent and privacy-or in reality your non-consent and the invasion of your privacy.
Dealing with this can be traumatic as you realise that someone you once trusted has knowingly and deliberately done something to harm you so deeply. Dealing with this might also be hugely difficult if it often comes from nowhere, suddenly you are told that explicit images or videos of you exist on the internet.
This behaviour is abusive and the perpetrator seeks victimisation, intimidation and control of you-even if you feel it’s emotional control-by uploading the images without your consent. The perpetrator will seek to justify and defend themselves with denial and blame, projecting the whole issue onto you, the victim of their abuse and seek to turn you into the perpetrator, and in your confusion you can accept this falsehood. You must recognise in time that nothing can justify this violation, or any continued victimisation.
Your first priority will be to undertake the practical steps of getting the material removed.
You might need a lawyer to help.
You can then address the task of processing the powerful thoughts, feelings and strong emotions to regain your sense of emotionally stability and personal power.
Before taking and sending any pictures of yourself, whether sexual or not, ask yourself how you would feel if you found out that the image was then found on a website or shared without your permission.
Resources
Staying safe online www.saferinternet.org.uk
Until there’s a law on revenge porn keep your kit on http://bit.ly/2jqK1xL
