The idea of having sex with your best friend can seem like a great idea. You’ve known each other for a long time, you care about each other, you’re really “comfortable in your own skin” when you’re together, and you share the same values and the same tastes in pizza. Why wouldn’t be a good idea-if the friendship is that good, the sex must be…well what?
But is not that easy, let’s see why…
As soon as you sleep with someone it all changes; we believe that we might be able to have sex with a really good friend and it not have an emotional content, but-hello! -it already has an emotional content, it just doesn’t have a sex content, until now, and you’ve just ramped up and skewed the emotional content.
And once you have had sex, you cannot unsex with your friend.
Let’s explore some of the issues:
- it might not be that great: you like the same things, you make each laugh, but the sexual fit might not be there, and it just might not be there to the extent that you are now looking at your best friend and in your head repeating the word “really?” endlessly….
- you now know their sex face. No going back. Never, never. And it might not be a good sex face, it might be a weird sex face. You can shake your head around and make that bleurgh noise but research has shown this does not turn time back. You’re stuck with sexface best friend
- now you have nobody to talk to your lover about, because the person you would have talked about is your lover. You’ve cut one of the best resources out of your helpline
- you now have feelings which are mutually ramped up: problem is, if they start seeing somebody new, you now have jealousy
- its not always easy to go back to being friends when you’ve crossed that line: what you’ve done, you’ve done and it has an impact
- all the time you were just best friends you were able to be really supportive because you never really knew what a clumsy, selfish lover they actually are. Now you know the truth about them, you either tell them and hurt their feelings or lie to them.
- Don’t assume that you really know what’s going to happen next; nobody does, that’s why sex is so good at times and yet at other times so…. not….
On the other hand, it could be fantastic, but once that line is crossed….